Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I deserve this hangover.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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