No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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