I love black thongs
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
