Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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