i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
