if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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