dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize