I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
