I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
