paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
