White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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