Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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