nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
