There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
