He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
