like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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