Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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