i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
