i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
