sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
