I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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