That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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