Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
