she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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