so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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