i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this just has baby written all over it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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