Someone shit on the floor
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
