sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
