it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
