I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
