How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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