He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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