I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
