how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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