you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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