So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
