he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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