My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
