VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
