No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
