I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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