I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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