My liver just broke up with me...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
