I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
