i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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