im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
