If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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