Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
