My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
