Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
