remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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