hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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