Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
