I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
