Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
