You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
