I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
