im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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