dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
