splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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