you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
