Soap is not a condiment
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
