So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
