I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
