ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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