a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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