but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
