If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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