why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
