I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
